Holding On...

Some of you may not know this, but I’m a very sensitive person. Of course, I act like I’m not, but if you really wanted to get to know me you would understand I’m a turtle. Covered with a hard shell, but if you crack that shell I’m very defenseless. This is how I know I’m a sensitive person….I remember every broken moment of my life. I can feel the ache and taste the tears every time I think of a time where something got under the shell. Why am I talking about this? Because I just heard a song that reminded me of a broken moment.

Tonight I’m going to see ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’ with my girls. So, to prepare for this girly event I YouTube’d the movie trailer. Before I see any movie I always watch the trailer a hundred times. It always makes me so excited to see the movie. Anyway, the song playing behind the trailer for ‘the Time Travelers’ Wife’ is the song ‘Broken’ by Life House. The first time I remember hearing this song was last fall. A friend had really hurt me and I was thinking I’m never going to forgive him. A line was crossed and I was disgusted with this friend. I remember thinking with a friend like this I’ll never need enemies. So, I’m on my way to church praying… Lord I’m done…I’m done. Then all of a sudden Life House new song ‘Broken’ came on the radio.

Because music is MY AIR and He likes to talk to me through it… I felt God wanting me to listen to the lyrics. I felt Him say to me…Melinda, you’re broken and you’re hurt but hold on. Love like I want you to love. Love how I love you. I know you’re hurt and you want to hide, but I’m holding onto you, so it's ok to hold onto him. He's begging for forgiveness and you need to give it. I remember saying..Lord you know how defenseless I am and He said to me…then let Me be your shell my little turtle. It's in forgiving others that we truly see how much He forgave us. So, I forgave my friend and I would like to say no friend has ever hurt me again, but I can’t. The fact is people that feel deeply are usually deeply hurt on a regular basis…but it’s ok because I know I have Someone holding onto me through the brokenness. It's in those times of pain that I feel Him not letting go. And maybe some people in our lives aren’t really worth holding onto, maybe some you have to let go, but maybe someday He'll lead someone to us worth really holding onto and for that it’s worth coming out of the shell. I don’t want to be a turtle in her shell playing dead. He promised He'll always be holding onto me..so I'm going to come out of my shell and try my best to hold onto Him. Isn't it the least I can do??

Attached is a video that makes my heart melt. :-)

Battlefield..

New song I love...it's so true!! Enjoy some great music..girl can SING!!

Metro Hottie..lol

Dear Metro Hottie,

I'm not going to lie, I was very surprised to see you on the metro this morning. Most men in DC I catch suffocating in suits on their way to work, but you were different. A tall built guy with worn jeans, a baseball cap, a bright green t-shirt, and beautiful gray chucks. I have to admit I didn't notice you until we got off our metro stop together. Our eyes met for a moment and in that moment my heart stopped. As you walked down 18th and I turned to walked down 19th I knew our paths would cross again. Until then my Metro Hottie, please find comfort that I'll always think of you when I hear our song. The song playing on my ipod when your beautiful eyes met mine. I just wish I could remember what the color of your eyes were now. :-/

Love Always,
Your Metro Admirer <3

PS: Our song "Somebody Like You" by Keith Urban

Letting you in...

I decided to do something a little different then normal on my blog today and let you into my head. I know...kinda scary, but I hope interesting, entertaining, and ultimately encouraging. So, who has had their heartbroken? Who has let themselves fall for a 'project'? I say 'project' because that sounds better in your head, then saying the truth their a TOOL. The reason I can write this now is because I've happily closed out my 'project' file and decided to stop making excuses.

Now, for those of you who are/were involved with 'projects' know what I'm talking about when I say EXCUSES. We make excuses for their bad behavior all the time and the sick thing is the more excuses you make for them the more involved you become with the 'project'. EXAMPLE: "She doesn't mean to make me feel like crap. She's having a bad day." or "He has commitment issues so he forgets to call me back, and has trouble being nice to me sometimes, because he's scared of how much he cares". BULL CRAP!! The TRUTH is these are SELFISH THOUGHTLESS UNCARING individuals who SUCK the LIFE out of thoughtful loving giving people. They make you feel like it's your fault. You loved them too much and cared too much for your own good. But let's be honest BRUTALLY HONEST..they're insecure individuals who attach themselves to people who build them up. BUT because they're insecure they resent how much they need you, SO they act out and since they really could care less about you, you're the only one left hurt.

Has anybody ever seen the movie called The Holiday? I LOVED it when I saw it in theaters a few years ago, but I hated it at the same time because I WAS the character Iris. It made be sick how much I could relate. Of course, I don't cry or freak out as much as her, but I felt her pain and sniffled through the whole thing. Come Christmas time I was opening up presents and MY DAD bought me The Holiday DVD. He said he saw the movie and thought me & Iris were a dead ringer. I felt sick to my stomach, EVEN MY DAD knew I had allowed my insecure 'project' to suck the joy out of me. Since then I have pretty much had every friend tell me they think of me every time they watch that movie. Today I had another friend tell me, which made me think of this blog. I was just as desperate to get out as Iris was from her toxic relationship, but I felt guilty. It was like a weight tied to my foot and I barely could keep my head above water. All my energy was on keeping my head above water that I couldn't notice all my friends trying to help me. I wouldn't let them help me.

So, what do you do in hopeless situations? YOU PRAY!! Lord I don't care if it hurts just delete this virus infected project from my life. I felt myself dying and my strength fading. My God is faithful and He knew the exact time to save the day. He gave me an opportunity to run and I did. I ran so fast I can't help but giggle about it now. It hurt, it hurt bad. I had to admit to myself that I was wrong and my efforts to help somebody were in vain. I lost a friend, but I gained so much more back.... MYSELF. My blunt in your face self. My TO strong for you self. I am the leading lady to my movie and will never settle for the best friend again. :-)

It's so funny to think about now. It took A MONTH to let go of something I THOUGHT would take a lifetime. LOL I'm such a silly emotional girl sometimes. BUT I hope my heartbroken story can help you AND me in the future. If someone doesn't appreciate you and love you even in a friendship... walk away. If you feel drained after being around someone, because they emotionally take so much...walk away. If you feel like a lesser version of yourself with them...RUN AWAY. Whether it be in a relationship or a close friend ALWAY ALWAYS 100% be yourself. So, you loving giving selfless people...KEEP ON LOVING!! You selfish thoughtless uncaring people...I hope you develop a clue before the cycle continues....

Attached is a movie clip of my movie counter part, Iris. Watch to the end...she's SO happy because she let go. When I realized I had let go I couldn't stop laughing at myself. A movie that use to make me cry NOW makes me laugh, because I was so silly for so long I can't help but giggle. :-) I can honestly say now I can't believe I let myself be miserable for so long. Never let someone else control your happiness or allow their insecurities to become your own. God is Good, trust Him! You'll be surprised where He leads your story. :-) Best quote: "If my hands are fully occupied in holding onto something, I can neither give nor receive." Stay strong my beloveds..and be happy, for we have an amazing HOPE. And in that amazing Hope is SO MUCH FREEDOM!!!!!!

Breath of Kindness..

Great Quote for the Day:

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."

- George Eliot, poet and novelist

Zack's BACK!!! (girly SCREAM)

If you ever wondered why I LOVE the BLONDES!! Zack Morris, my FIRST Love!! :-)

A Whole New World...

So, it was the summer of my 12th year. It was 1992 and my view of relationships would never be the same. I fell in love that summer. I fell in love with an idea, a dream some would say, of what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted to try new things, be in some amazing adventures and of course find a love that longed for the same. 1992 was the year I decided never to settle for anything less. I remember the exact moment too.

We were in Illinois visiting my grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins when the NEW Disney movie came out. It was in theaters and I couldn't wait to see it. My dad being the BEST DAD EVER raised his daughters with a great love for anything Disney. I don't give a crap where they stand politically, I will always jump at the chance to go to Disney World and act like a 12 year old. Anywho, I'm watching this AMAZING movie Aladdin with my own popcorn (which was very awesome since my dad NEVER bought us popcorn, no less our own), it was a special night. A hot summer night with a theater packed out to see Disney's new creation.

So imagine if you will, an adorable younger version of myself, drinking in this amazing masterpiece. My heart raced during fights with Aladdin and Abu. I loved that little monkey. My big awe struck brown eyes couldn't get enough of their crazy adventures, but then it got better. This is where my romantic ideals would never be the same. You see Aladdin fell in love but to get the girl he had to grow up and become a man. He became a man and showed the Princess all the things she longed to see and be a part of. How amazing and awesome this world can be, if we're only up for an adventure.

So, in my little 12 year old heart I decided never to settle for anything but my Aladdin. Someone who would give up everything just to show me what the world could offer us together. A boy who wasn't perfect, but tried none the less. So, I'm in my 29th year and as I look back on that decision I made from a very innocent young heart. I can't say for the life of me that I regret it. I've had alot of adventures so far and a few wannabe Aladdin's, but I'm very happy in knowing the best is yet to come and risking sounding overly girly, my Aladdin is still on his way. :-)

Attached below is the moment everything changed for me. Thanks to my beloved Disney!! :-)