Letting you in...

I decided to do something a little different then normal on my blog today and let you into my head. I know...kinda scary, but I hope interesting, entertaining, and ultimately encouraging. So, who has had their heartbroken? Who has let themselves fall for a 'project'? I say 'project' because that sounds better in your head, then saying the truth their a TOOL. The reason I can write this now is because I've happily closed out my 'project' file and decided to stop making excuses.

Now, for those of you who are/were involved with 'projects' know what I'm talking about when I say EXCUSES. We make excuses for their bad behavior all the time and the sick thing is the more excuses you make for them the more involved you become with the 'project'. EXAMPLE: "She doesn't mean to make me feel like crap. She's having a bad day." or "He has commitment issues so he forgets to call me back, and has trouble being nice to me sometimes, because he's scared of how much he cares". BULL CRAP!! The TRUTH is these are SELFISH THOUGHTLESS UNCARING individuals who SUCK the LIFE out of thoughtful loving giving people. They make you feel like it's your fault. You loved them too much and cared too much for your own good. But let's be honest BRUTALLY HONEST..they're insecure individuals who attach themselves to people who build them up. BUT because they're insecure they resent how much they need you, SO they act out and since they really could care less about you, you're the only one left hurt.

Has anybody ever seen the movie called The Holiday? I LOVED it when I saw it in theaters a few years ago, but I hated it at the same time because I WAS the character Iris. It made be sick how much I could relate. Of course, I don't cry or freak out as much as her, but I felt her pain and sniffled through the whole thing. Come Christmas time I was opening up presents and MY DAD bought me The Holiday DVD. He said he saw the movie and thought me & Iris were a dead ringer. I felt sick to my stomach, EVEN MY DAD knew I had allowed my insecure 'project' to suck the joy out of me. Since then I have pretty much had every friend tell me they think of me every time they watch that movie. Today I had another friend tell me, which made me think of this blog. I was just as desperate to get out as Iris was from her toxic relationship, but I felt guilty. It was like a weight tied to my foot and I barely could keep my head above water. All my energy was on keeping my head above water that I couldn't notice all my friends trying to help me. I wouldn't let them help me.

So, what do you do in hopeless situations? YOU PRAY!! Lord I don't care if it hurts just delete this virus infected project from my life. I felt myself dying and my strength fading. My God is faithful and He knew the exact time to save the day. He gave me an opportunity to run and I did. I ran so fast I can't help but giggle about it now. It hurt, it hurt bad. I had to admit to myself that I was wrong and my efforts to help somebody were in vain. I lost a friend, but I gained so much more back.... MYSELF. My blunt in your face self. My TO strong for you self. I am the leading lady to my movie and will never settle for the best friend again. :-)

It's so funny to think about now. It took A MONTH to let go of something I THOUGHT would take a lifetime. LOL I'm such a silly emotional girl sometimes. BUT I hope my heartbroken story can help you AND me in the future. If someone doesn't appreciate you and love you even in a friendship... walk away. If you feel drained after being around someone, because they emotionally take so much...walk away. If you feel like a lesser version of yourself with them...RUN AWAY. Whether it be in a relationship or a close friend ALWAY ALWAYS 100% be yourself. So, you loving giving selfless people...KEEP ON LOVING!! You selfish thoughtless uncaring people...I hope you develop a clue before the cycle continues....

Attached is a movie clip of my movie counter part, Iris. Watch to the end...she's SO happy because she let go. When I realized I had let go I couldn't stop laughing at myself. A movie that use to make me cry NOW makes me laugh, because I was so silly for so long I can't help but giggle. :-) I can honestly say now I can't believe I let myself be miserable for so long. Never let someone else control your happiness or allow their insecurities to become your own. God is Good, trust Him! You'll be surprised where He leads your story. :-) Best quote: "If my hands are fully occupied in holding onto something, I can neither give nor receive." Stay strong my beloveds..and be happy, for we have an amazing HOPE. And in that amazing Hope is SO MUCH FREEDOM!!!!!!