The long goodbye

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

This quote has been going through my head for the last few weeks and it’s so true. A few weeks ago I made the long journey to go see my grandmother in a nursing home out in Pekin, IL. The last time I saw my grandma was April of 2008. I was in Ohio for my nieces baby dedication at her church and my grandma showed up and surprised my sister. My grandma loves surprises…I remember as a little girl randomly looking out the window from our living room in Connecticut one evening when my grandparents Roadmaster drove up the driveway. They just surprised us with a visit and I remember running to hug & kiss them. Anywho…back to April of 2008…my grandmother looked so fragile. We knew she was starting to suffer from Alzheimer’s. It started with her forgetting small things and repeating herself… to forgetting significant events in her life. That April my grandmother with tears falling down her cheeks kissed me goodbye. That was the last time my grandmother would remember who I was.
So….the trip I made two weeks ago was very hard. I walked into a nursing home and in the distance saw my grandmother slumped over in a wheelchair. I walked up to her put my hand on her shoulder, she looked up and had no clue who I was. I said Hi…she said Hi…then I had to introduce myself to my grandma. To say a piece of my heart broke is a understatement. The shear pain of that memory tears at me now. Alzheimer’s is such a horrible disease. In my grandmother’s mind she is a young girl…who wonders where her brother is and why hasn’t her mother come to see her in awhile. To her family…her daughters…her grandchildren…it’s a long goodbye. She’s not going to get any better. She’s only going to get worse…but what warms the heart of all that love her are the memories she gave us. I don’t remember my grandmother yelling at me…even though I’m sure she did a time or too. I just remember how much she loved me. How she made me and the ones around her feel loved…and even with this awful disease destroying her mind she can still show that. When I said goodbye this last time, she grabbed my hand, kissed it and told me she loved me and to try to come back. She may not know who I am…but she knows she loves me and like my Heavenly Father promises…Love concurs all.

My mom..sister..and grandma