Only You...

Ok, so you might think I'm a cheesy romantic, but I don't care. I LOVE 'BLUSH' by Plumb and I found it put together with my FAVORITE DISNEY movie. As a girl we just want to be in love once with The One. And we're all hoping our prince comes and saves the day. Ladies...enjoy me and my future hubby's song. ;-)

Memories..

In the last couple of weeks I have been flooded with memories from Christmas' past. I'm probably more sentimental this year because this is the first Christmas I'm spending without my sister. You know...you always think you're prepared for something, then the time comes and you find you're completely wrong. I knew the day would come where I wouldn't have my sister screaming in my ear to wake up on Christmas morning, but I find I wasn't prepared. I'm sad and missing my family.

My parents are coming down today and I'm sure it will be eventful as always. We're planning on going to Mt. Vernon on Christmas Day. For a few weeks out of the year, they open up the third floor of George Washington's estate, which is where Martha's chamber was. After George died she couldn't bring herself to sleep in their bedroom anymore, so they added a living quarter for her on the third floor. For those of you who aren't into history you're like, who cares, but to me it's so interesting. Me being a dreamer, I always imagined their lives. She must of really loved him. His memory haunted her, so she had to separate herself and figure out how to live without him. Ok, I know I'm a romantic. But I think sometimes when we're reading history books we forget about the lives behind them. Were they happy, sad, loved, alone, desperate, poor, sick, bubbly, etc... These are all the things that go through my mind. What did we learn from their life?

I remember when I went to Israel my freshmen year of college. It was so eye opening. I finally saw my favorite history book, the Bible, come to life. I'm a visual learner if you haven't already figured that out. I remember looking out my balcony at the sea of Galilee and thinking, so this is where You were. Were You happy, sad, loved, alone, desperate, poor, sick, etc... Of course my Bible answered alot of these questions, but it was in those quiet moments on the shore of Galilee that I found a desire to know and understand the Man, Jesus. How life was for Him. Did He ever walk on the shore alone like me, deep in thought about where His life was leading? My answer was clear YES. He walked in my shoes. He had the same feelings and emotions. Every pain or hurt I have ever experienced He understands. You see He always understood me, but it took me going to Israel to understand Him. Putting myself in His shoes and understanding the weight of the load He carried. We weren't a easy people to save. We're self centered, self seeking, jealous, hateful, liars, the list could go on. But He loved us in spite of ourselves. He saw past our flaws and loved us for them. He saw our potential and never gave up. He thought we were worth dying for. I don't know about you, but most the time I don't think I'm worth a phone call. Yet, He thought I was worth dying for because He wanted to spend eternity with me. The least I can do is love Him and the ones He loved. One of my favorite Hillsong song's comes to mind it goes, "Heal my heart and make it clean, Open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have loved me, Break my heart for what breaks yours, Everything I am for your kingdom's cause, As I walk from earth into eternity." I love that song, so as we get ready for this wonderful holiday season with friends and family, try to remember the most perfect and wonderful gift God gave us 2000 years ago. He gave us His Son, Jesus. He was here and He will return!!

"Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You" Psalm 9:10

Merry Christmas!!!

PS: I love you Nessa and I miss you more then you know this Christmas.
I'll see you soon. I love you, your little sis!!

Existing..

Have you ever felt left without purpose? Just kind of drifting, existing, wondering what your next step in life is. I have been feeling like that for the last year. I've been restless, confused, lacking direction and freaking out. Now, anybody who knows me, knows I'm a talker. A chatty kathy some would say, but only the people who really know me, know that if something is really eating at me, I don't talk about it. I obsess about it, I try keeping myself busy so I don't focus on it, but it never works. Honestly, I think I'm making myself sick. I'm worrying about everything and anything. And the words I keep hearing over and over are "You of little faith"! He's right you know. I have the smallest faith EVER. AND I feel insanely guilty about it. I mean my Father has always been there and came through at the last minute for me. He likes to see me freak, or He's trying to teach me not to. :-/ Ugh....I fell the test every time too, "...whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything." 1 John 3:20

I have a friend who always tests me. It annoys me like he'll never know, they're so predictable. But I was thinking the other day how much I do that myself. I test everyone even God because I have a trust issues. I'm one of those girls who have been mistreated, abandoned, and rejected. I could go into story after story during my whole life, but in the end it's those experiences that helped me develop my horrible trust issues. I'm reading the book "Captivating" for the third time. Yes, I said Third, because I have to continue to remind myself who God intended me to be. I recommend every girl and guy to read it. Guys you'll understand the girls you date better and girls you're understand yourself better. The whole time I read the book I have to fight back tears because it hits the nail on the head. So, when the enemy is attacking me with my MAJOR trust issues I start worrying about my life. Because after all I only trust and depend on myself. I'm a thinker an analyzer of people's behavior as well as my own. So, I decided to stop all this crap and stop just existing the other day. I have let the enemy eat at me too much already. I was not made to drift and exist. To walk around confused and waiting for some great universal sign to come along. I was created to walk step by step towards my Father's purpose. "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16 As I'm reading that verse, I can't help but tear up. Why does He love me so much? How do I trust it when almost everybody else in my life that meant anything, hurt me? I read His word over and over - and he never stops saying how much I mean to Him. How crazy is that? The maker of this universe loves me. He hurts when I hurt. He suffers when I suffer. He cries when I cry, which tends to be alot lately. I blame it on years of hiding how I truly felt about things. You know, that's how you know if somebody loves you. If you're hurting, they'll hurt too.

So, I keep feeling Him say it's time for a change. It's time for me to focus on Him. It's time for me to get my act together, let go of all my silly issues and trust Him for once in my life. He doesn't deserve my tests. He's proven Himself to me over and over. It's going to be a day by day, letting go of self, and embracing His purpose for me. I think I'm starting to see it...which means alot of change in the next year. I'm scared but excited at the same time. So, 2009 is right around the corner. Are you having a hard time focusing too? Are you just drifting and existing? I say we all make a new years resolution that everyday of 2009 is full of purpose. Set goals to continue to challenge yourself and your walk. My first goal is running 10 miles in April. My second goal is getting my PHR. But of course my ultimate goal is having a walk full of faith and trust. Maybe I can help to encourage some of you during this upcoming year of purpose. Maybe some of you can encourage me. :-) I love you all my beloveds....

Theme song of this post is 'Lessons Learned' by Carrie Underwood. :-)

Christmas Vice..

My friend recently posted a blog regarding how everybody has gone Christmas mad (www.nxdem.com). That people have lost the true meaning of Christmas. That in some ways we are giving into the 'peer pressure' of society by going overboard with gift giving. That the holiday season has become so commercialized that it lost it's power. After reading his blog, I thought about it for a new days and here's what I came up with. No one can say I don't have a mind of my own. His blog had some valid point, but I've always been a devils advocate. ;-)

Yes, Christmas is a great time to give to the needy and to truly remember that it's all about Christ. Of course, this is something that should be done year round. I also hate how commercialized it has become, but Christmas is the season for giving to everybody, like Christ gave us. I don't think anyone should feel bad about giving, whether it be to a homeless person in need of a meal or a spoiled 12 year old that HAS TO HAVE that Xbox. Now, God IS all about relationships. We should give of ourselves to each other, not just presents. But He likes presents too! If you read the Bible you'll see ALL the WAY through how God just loved giving gifts to His people. I was recently told by someone that every time we give to someone else we're giving to God. That's how we show Him our love, by giving to others. Now yes there are selfish spoiled people out there who are all about what THEY want for Christmas, but they're usually in the 12 year old range. God is all about gift giving in EVERY form. He is HONORED in EVERY form. His GLORY shines in EVERY form. I LOVE Christmas because this is the time of year where crazy mall shoppers like yourself are looking for that perfect gift for someone they love. Something they can hand to their loved one to prove they care. Should people show they care in other forms as well, verbal affirmation, giving of their time, etc..? YES, of course. But the excuse of Christmas seems to make it a little easier, huh?!? A REMINDER to ourselves to not be so focused on the person in the mirror.

As someone who's number one love language is gift giving, I'm all for giving presents on Christmas. It's a perfect time of year to show the most important people in your life that you care. It doesn't have to be some HUGE pricey gift, it's the thought..the effort. Someone thought about what I needed and would like, wrapped it in a pretty box, and gave it to me for Christmas. That's special! Should we give to the needy in Jesus' name, of course we should! But doesn't our Father bless us with gifts everyday, just to see us smile, and to remind us we're special to Him. Our Father doesn't always just give us what we need, but also what we want. Like any Father on Christmas, He loves to see us get excited and open our gifts from Him. So, I'm helping our economy and buying gifts this year. Gifts that I put thought into..some cheap..some pricier and I'll probably spend WAY too much. AND I'm going to love every second of it. Because I love having an excuse to show people I care, just like my Father. I look at Christmas as Playing it Forward! :-) He gave to me today, therefore I'm giving to you tomorrow. The true meaning of Christmas will never be lost on His children. So..that's my optimistic view on Christmas!! Ho..Ho..Ho..:-)

Merry Christmas from The Office

This is for all the WONDERFUL Office lovers out there. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! And if you're NOT an OFFICE lover don't worry, it's never too late to gain a sense of humor!! Enjoy...

What the...?

This blog is dedicated to Carley. Here's the blog you wanted me to write. :-)

Ok, WOMEN you'll feel my pain. Have you ever gone to a public restroom and everything is automatic. Now..you would think this is wonderful, you don't have to touch any germ infested knobs. I HATE them!! Why you ask...because they NEVER work. Imagine me going to the ladies room, finding the cleanest stall (that's very important), and before I can do anything the stupid toilet flushes THREE times!! Now, I hate being anywhere near a toilet when it flushes. I actually hold my breath, because once I heard a doctor on Oprah (so you know it's true) that germs fly up 8 feet. So..needless to say I flush and run. So, here I am TOTALLY grossed out, but I still have to go to the restroom. Anywho, I do what was needed and GUESS WHAT the sensor decides not to work anymore. So, now I'm waving my hands in front of it and spinning in circles to get that stupid thing to flush. Then reality sets in...I'm going to have to push the germ infested button beside the sensor. AND YOU KNOW everybody who has touch it hasn't had a chance wash their hands yet. So, I grab a piece of toilet paper to push the button and run!!

Now, we're at the automatic sinks. These are the sinks that split water. So, after waving my hands again it finally splits a few drops at me, then I look for the automatic hand soap. Now, anybody who was watching me had to get a giggle because I was waving my hands in front of the sensor, NOTHING..right when I would give up, THEN it would decide to split soap. This went on for a good four missed soap splits before I finally caught it. Now, back to the automatic water. It took a while but finally I could leave the modern day nightmare.

Moral of this story..always flush and run, AND keep anti-bacteria soap in your purse, in case of a modern day meltdown. :-)

Restless

Have you ever felt like you're about to jump out of your skin? I have felt like that for the past week. Just like everything is moving around me and I'm standing still. Like that scene in The Garden State! I'm just restless, bored and needing a change. Don't get me wrong I love my life, but I'm so bored. I'm in need of an adventure. Something exciting like backpacking all over Europe or going skydiving. Actually, skydiving freaks me out, let's forget about skydiving. Ok, how about surfing in Australia?! Who wouldn't want to do that?

My grandmother has never been out of the country. Now, she's 81 at the end of her life and hasn't had any awesome adventures. She has a wonderful family who loves her, but she was happy just staying close to home. My grandfather was in WWII so after he got home from all over the world he had no desire to ever leave America again. You could say he had TOO MUCH adventure. I loved my grandfather. When he was in Italy during WWII he wore a wedding ring even though he wasn't married, so all the ladies would leave him alone. I always wondered if he was secretly married to some Italian lady. lol But he was like my grandmother, happy to just stay home, raise his kids, and travel this amazing country. I didn't get that gene. :-) I want to get married someday, have kids, and show them the world. Which is why I need to travel now, so I know all the cool places to take them someday.

I wonder where I get my restless genes from. I'm guessing my dad. That man can't stand still. So, what's the next move? Hmmm....I'll have to think about it. Maybe I'll start with skiing in Colorado. I've always wanted to do that and my Jamar wants me to come visit. It's a start, right?! :-)

Nothin' but Love.

My heart is overflowing with love right now. I'm in a awesome amazing wonderful mood. Why am I in such a great fantastic mood you ask? Well, of course it's because of a boy. One of my favorite boys who will always have a piece of my heart. He's my Robby Baby! My BFF all four years of college. We never get to talk because of busy schedules and tonight he called. As soon as I heard his voice my heart jumped, because I was hearing the sound of one of my dearest friends. Within seconds it was like no time had past. We were laughing, catching up, and wondering where all the time went. I'm so proud of my Superman Rob who has done so much with his life since college. He is a power house for God and I'm so lucky to have had him in my life even if it was for a short 4 years.

I know even if we go months without talking we'll always be there for each other. Those are the best kind of friendships. Friendships that last through thick and thin. It's those kind of relationships that make us stronger and lift us up. My hope for everyone tonight is that they have people in their lives that stick. When you find friendships like that, hold on. Don't take them for granted. Cherish, embrace, and love the heck out of them. Because when you fall, those are the kind of friends that will pick you up and hold you, until you can stand on your own again. I love you Rob. Thank you for picking me up so many times, even if you didn't know that's what you were doing.