Sick Day..

So, over the last few days I’ve been sick. It’s a major head cold which I probably got from my friend Ben but that’s neither here nor there. The point is I’m sick and miserable. Due to this fact it made me start remembering other times in my life when I was really sick. One of those times was when I was about 14 years old. I got broncular pneumonia.
I remember it was around one of those surprise visits my grandparents love to do. I was downstairs after school watching TV with my mom and grandma (grandma was yapping on about something on TV) when I started feeling really bad. My dad got home and as soon as he heard I wasn’t feeling well…he yelled GO TO BED. This was a order to be obeyed…which at that moment I didn’t disagree with. I guess my mom knew I really wasn’t feeling well because I went to bed no argument. She got me settled into bed like a good mother and my mom is the best…so she rubbed my forehead for a little bit and let me go to sleep. Why is it every time you’re sick it gets worse at night? Well, I remember feeling like crap and having a hard time walking to my parents room. I got my mom and I had a major fever.
My mom wanted to take me to the emergency room but my dad wanted to wait until the clinic opened at 7am (I think). My dad had the amazing idea of putting his 14 year old daughter who at this point couldn’t walk on her own in a cold bath. I remember him telling my mom if my temp didn’t go down we were going to the emergency room. That bath was PAINFUL..like needles on the skin. I remember crying a lot. I had strength enough to get myself in and out of the tub but needed the help of my parents to get back to my room. To my dad’s luck my temperature went down a little..if not I think my mom would of killed him. Anyway, my mom slept by me that night and as soon as the office opened my butt was the first patient. My full temp was back and I was diagnosed with broncular pneumonia. My grandparents stayed with me during the day while my mom had to work. I remember I was very contagious so my grandma and mom were the only ones who would get close to me. Everyday multiple times a day my grandfather would pop his head in my room to in his words “makin’ sure you’re still alive”. He also dropped off things I loved like peanut butter cups, hot tea, and other random things. Sometimes he would just stand at the door and talk to me. A few times I caught him just watching me as I slept. I knew he was really worried. Now don’t get me wrong I’m very glad I’m not suffering from broncular pneumonia today…it was painful. But I do miss having that support system around me when I’m sick. That security of family taking care of you. It really sucks how fast time goes, but I look forward to the day I have a little girl or boy of my own who I can comfort by rubbing their foreheads to sleep. Giving them the security I have been blessed to have my whole life. I was/am a lucky girl.

The long goodbye

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

This quote has been going through my head for the last few weeks and it’s so true. A few weeks ago I made the long journey to go see my grandmother in a nursing home out in Pekin, IL. The last time I saw my grandma was April of 2008. I was in Ohio for my nieces baby dedication at her church and my grandma showed up and surprised my sister. My grandma loves surprises…I remember as a little girl randomly looking out the window from our living room in Connecticut one evening when my grandparents Roadmaster drove up the driveway. They just surprised us with a visit and I remember running to hug & kiss them. Anywho…back to April of 2008…my grandmother looked so fragile. We knew she was starting to suffer from Alzheimer’s. It started with her forgetting small things and repeating herself… to forgetting significant events in her life. That April my grandmother with tears falling down her cheeks kissed me goodbye. That was the last time my grandmother would remember who I was.
So….the trip I made two weeks ago was very hard. I walked into a nursing home and in the distance saw my grandmother slumped over in a wheelchair. I walked up to her put my hand on her shoulder, she looked up and had no clue who I was. I said Hi…she said Hi…then I had to introduce myself to my grandma. To say a piece of my heart broke is a understatement. The shear pain of that memory tears at me now. Alzheimer’s is such a horrible disease. In my grandmother’s mind she is a young girl…who wonders where her brother is and why hasn’t her mother come to see her in awhile. To her family…her daughters…her grandchildren…it’s a long goodbye. She’s not going to get any better. She’s only going to get worse…but what warms the heart of all that love her are the memories she gave us. I don’t remember my grandmother yelling at me…even though I’m sure she did a time or too. I just remember how much she loved me. How she made me and the ones around her feel loved…and even with this awful disease destroying her mind she can still show that. When I said goodbye this last time, she grabbed my hand, kissed it and told me she loved me and to try to come back. She may not know who I am…but she knows she loves me and like my Heavenly Father promises…Love concurs all.

My mom..sister..and grandma